Parenting Skills

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To be a parent is not easy. Once a parent, always a parent. No resignation accepted. The product of years of hard work or no work at all, is only known and appreciated when the offsprings reach maturity or have children of their own.

Family values are passed from generation to generation. Good values are sustained and bad ones discarded when good external factors prevail such as a good educational environment and responsible peer influence.

Tonight while having dinner at a Mamak restaurant, I was shocked to see how a young mother handled her quarrelsome sons. The elder brother (about 6 or 7 years old) on disagreeing with his younger sibling had poured some water on the latter (about 3 or 4 years old). As kids often do, the younger brother went into a crying tantrum for his Mum' sympathy.Seeing the younger son wet put the Mum in a defensive mood. After consoling the smaller son, she turned around and stared angrily at her elder boy. The boy pretended not to notice his Mum's angry reaction.Guess what the Mum did? She took the glass of water and splashed on her elder son's shirt.

My, my,my, now, who is the Mum and who is the child? The Mum whom I think should be neutral in all feuds between her children was now quarrelling with one of them. What message was sent to the younger sibling?Go ahead and fight.Retaliate when provoked....

Now I know why the young of today are violent and will not give way. Why the young does not respect the old. And each individual only cares for himself and his self-interests. Good values such as love, respect, tolerance, compromise, forgiving and generosity are not being nurtured from young. No wonder teachers find it difficult to teach this values to even elementary school children when the adverse values have been imparted to them from birth.

Normally one studies hard to succeed in exams and formulate strategies to succeed in business endeavours, but when it come to daily life, one often drifts with the flow and forgets the heavy responsibility when becoming a parent.To be responsible for another person's life is no easy matter. Some parents do not care to learn to be the best that they can be. They think getting married and having children are part of life's norm. Often one does not realise that good parenting like good sales techniques can be learnt.

The first step to good parenting starts when you select your life partner.Good traits and attributes will beget good values. One must be able to be sensitive and observant to notice flaws in character that may affect future relationships. For Muslims, the prophet Muhammad s.a.w once mentioned that to seek a spouse, one looks at four things: his/ her looks, wealth, family pedigree and faith, and he recommended that faith should be the criteria. It is the faithful who performs regular prayers (solats) and practises everything a good Muslim should do. A God-fearing person will be guided in all his/ her actions. One must be able to differentiate the hypocrites from the sincere and the moderates from the extreme.

Good parenting also starts before conception. Planning and getting the right information is important. So before one gets married and have children, one should learn and get acquainted with the knowledge of how to nurture the baby while it is still in the womb.Good nutritional habits in pregnancy have to be practised for good quality foetus.

Once the baby is born, his/ her physical and social development milestones has to be monitored so that any abnormalities are detected early. Parents should also set targets for the child's development. For example, my children must be able to read and count to 100 before they finish kindergarten and must finish the Quran recitation before they reach secondary school. Once they are in the best class, their peers are more competitive and hence, they are in the right environment to succeed. No matter how careful you are, often peers are more effective in moulding a young person's character.

Physical development is easy to observe but parents must also provide spiritual guidance. Values are imparted from the time the child opens his eyes and starts to learn from his environment. Learning is often through imitation and observation. Hence, parents are being observed all the time by their offsprings. They have to walk the talk and set a good example by practising what they preach. It is no more " do as I say, not as I do".

However, I believe at the end of the day, it is God's grace and mercy that decides whether we succeed during the time spent on Earth, even though it is also said that we reap what we sow.